Father's Day

It's hard to escape the fact that tomorrow is Father's Day. "We're Related" on Facebook keeps sending me emails to tell me that I should send my Dad some love on Father's Day by inviting him to their application. Home Depot tells me as I enter its glorious four walls that I have come to the right place to buy a Father's Day gift. A friend forwarded me a beautiful article about a son realizing through his own children that he hadn't said "I love you" to his Father since 1983. Last night our new neighbour was telling Steve and I about taking the morning off and going to his kid's school for a Father's Day celebration.

Having a Father is something that I only got a small taste of on weekends and a few weeks each summer. In many ways I was lucky because I always got the best of him - anticipated and planned weekends packed with fun and attention. Strangely though, I can't remember one actual Father's Day with my Dad, but the day itself isn't the point. Father's Day makes you think about your Dad. Since he died in 2001, I'm usually able to either ignore the holiday or it grates on me for the weeks leading up to the holiday until the tears come pouring out, usually waking me up and surprising me in the middle of the night...like it did about an hour ago. Grief can be so vivid even years later.

Yesterday afternoon, we were working on our new house and Stephen called me to the front window to look outside. The view was of the most stereotypical moment between father and son - our neighbours were playing catch in the middle of our street. We were both touched by it and I think we were both envious of the bonding we were witnessing.

Stephen's Dad passed away of cancer just weeks before Stephen turned 16. I love the stories that his family tells about him and I have tried to piece together an idea of what my father-in-law was like, but it makes me sad that I never got to meet him. It makes me sad that he never got to see the many amazing things Steve has achieved since he was a gangly teenager.

Back in March, as I stared in awe at the results of my home pregnancy test and after showing it to Stephen and seeing the huge smile on his face, it made me ache how much I wished I could tell my Dad the news because he loved children and would have been so excited to become a grandfather...it suddenly hit me that our child would not have any grandfathers. And then, I realized that there was something else to look forward to, that by June 2010 Father's Day would finally be a happy day that I could celebrate because Stephen was going to be a great father.